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| "Yup, it's time for anal flossing for you, my friend. Assume the position! Good lad." or click here"You're such a fuck-up, your DNA is made up of X's and 'why me's." or click hereYes, yes, STM meant "chromosomes", we know. |
| "That's a sheep! I don't care how hard you kick it, it's never gonna be a cloud… Kick it again. Huh, huh. Funny." or click here__________This post has been pre-scheduled. We're off volunteering at a sloth sanctuary!Your daily dose of sloth: |
| "And so the moral of the story is, don't be upset when people think of you as a mucus-filled vaj-sack. Because they will." or click here__________This post has been pre-scheduled. We're off volunteering at a sloth sanctuary!Your daily dose of sloth: |
| "Speaking of fabulous, how are your breasts today?" or click hereWell, this one is OBVIOUSLY about me. Right, Adam?... Adam?! |
| "Hey, look at me! I just made bumble bee pajamas. They're so cuuuute, with their little leg holes. This one's bright fuchsia with some black spots. I think that's my favorite. And this one's got a night cap that fits right over the antennae... (gasp!) TOSS! Wing holes! I forgot to put wing holes! Oh, well. '...and all the honey was oozy woozy, sticky and gooey, but it tasted good.' Awww. Bed time story for tired little bumble bee. (whispering) Go to sleep, bee." or click here__________Karen's irrelevant notes: As our long-time readers know, Adam and I spend two weeks every year volunteering at an animal sanctuary somewhere in the world. This year, it's sloths in Costa Rica! Here are some of the amazing sloths we'll be snuggling in February:Let's cross our fingers that it proves inspirational to STM, just as the monkeys did last year, and the elephants in 2010. |
| "It's not bullshit. It's mancrap. It means whenever I use it, I'm right." or click hereAdam so wishes this were true... |
| "Ice cream cake. Mmm. Love to the power of— I've just come in my pants. New pants, please!" or click hereWhat I find most amusing about this is that Adam has never had ice cream cake in his life. It's not such a thing here in the UK. But he is anticipating his first taste of what can only be a perfect combination with great excitement."Stop throwing dinosaurs everywhere! It's gonna take me forever to get the pterodactyls down from the wardrobe. Oh, you messy little velociraptors." or click here |
| "If sense of humor is a gift, yours is one of those unwanted gifts that gets passed on from person to person, never opened or appreciated. Best you keep that gift to yourself." or click here"I'm living my life, my way. And loving it." or click hereOh. Well that's an unusually healthy sentiment from STM. |
| "mmmmuuhhhhhhh... uhhhhhhh... COCK WOBBLER!" or click hereAnd here's the rest transcribed: STM: mmmmuuhhhhhhh... uhhhhhhh... COCK WOBBLER! KAREN: (snorts and giggles) ADAM: Hm. What a perfectly charming way to wake up. And a good morning to you, STM.... you bastard. KAREN: Do you think you said "cock wobbler" or "cock warbler"? ADAM: How did I say it? Did I say it like "wobbler" or "waaaaaarbler"? KAREN: I dunno. Wait a minute. ADAM: What? KAREN: A cock wobbler— ADAM: is someone who goes up to you and go— Well, goes up to male genitalia and— KAREN: wobble wobble wobble! ADAM: —wobbles it. KAREN: And then, a cock warbler— ADAM: —warbler, let's not go there. (leans across to look at clock) Is that all it is? KAREN: What is it? ADAM: It's only 1:30. KAREN: It is not! ADAM: It is too! KAREN: Are you serious? I thought it was already morning. It's like Christmas! Sleepiiiiiiiiiiing! I'm so excited! ADAM: Unfortunately, being excited generally means you don't sleep. KAREN: Okay, sleeping. ADAM: See, I'm the opposite. KAREN: (drifting off) Wowwwwwww. ADAM: I'm not excited. (long pause, then voluble yawn) Jeez. KAREN: Hmm? ADAM: What? KAREN: Now I'm confused about what I was dreaming and what was real. Umm, I don't know anything. ADAM: Well, nothing's happening. So anything that is in your head is probably a dream. So, work it out from there. KAREN: Hmm. ADAM: I just dribbled. KAREN: (slurring) I love you enough that I love your dribble. ADAM: Shh. You talk too much. |
| "Well, fuck you! Fuck you, Amazon. You don't KNOW me. I kill puppies. Suggest something for me NOW then, you shit spreading bastard— Ooh! Bathtub fairy lights! Mmm, pretty." or click here"Nee nee nee nee nee nee nee OHHH! Pooooooooooo nee nee nee nee nee nee nee nee nee... BOLLOCKS!" or click here |
| "Now I'm going to batter you to death with chicken drumsticks! It'll be really messy, but I'm going to enjoy every hour of it." or click here"Hey! That's MY bag of hair. Get your own! And stay away from the zoo, I'm going there next." or click hereAnd the ensuing discussion: or click here KAREN: It's very strange that you said that, because I had a conversation— ADAM: A REAL conversation about bags of hair? KAREN: Yes! ADAM: Get away! KAREN: Yesterday afternoon, with Mark at work, we had a conversation about how much Molly sheds, and he was telling me how you can collect your pet's hair for a really long time, and then bring it to someone and they will knit it into a sweater. ADAM: You will have a Molly sweater? KAREN: Yes. BUT, the most amazing thing is that you said that— ADAM: You never told me that discussion. KAREN: No! Isn't that crazy?! ADAM: STM can read your mind! |
| "That marmoset stole my earring! We are NOT carrying on until that bitch gives it back… Well, actually, it looks quite cool when it wears it. Mmm. New romantic marmoset, I like it." or click here__________This post has been pre-scheduled. We're off volunteering at a sloth sanctuary!Your daily dose of sloth: |
| "Oh, humanity. You can go suck my fat hairy balls. I made you and I can break you whenever I want. See that? That's free will too, you know. I created that too." or click here__________Well, we've gone off to Costa Rica to volunteer at a sloth sanctuary. But do not despair, for I have pre-scheduled posts! And, as a special bonus, you'll get a daily dose of sloth. Like this: |
