Single-ish

The usual answer to what Jews do on Christmas is “go to the movies and eat Chinese food.” But there’s another Jewish tradition you may not have heard of: the Matzah Ball. Yep, that’s right. Clubs in cities around the country pair with shuttle services to offer the ultimate party-hopping meetup event for singles. Seriously, it’s like JDate on steroids. And like the dating service, the event is Jewish-influenced but open to everyone. And it’s awesome.

Dear Single John,
I have been dating my boyfriend for a little more than 2 months and we fool around, but have never had sex. And don't want to for a while. It seems to be harder and harder for me to get off. He is doing pretty much the same things as before, but I am not coming. What can we do to make this happen and not make him feel like 'he's not good anymore'? I was wondering if it just me. Any advice would help!

I’m awful at goodbyes (as you can probably tell from all of my posts about ex-boyfriends!), but alas, the time has come for me to leave Single-ish and move on! Oh now don’t cry, you’ll ruin your smoky eye. But before I go, I would like to thank you ALL for your comments and advice. So, without further ado, here are the top four things you, my lovely, loyal readers, have taught ME about love and dating.

Do you ever wonder what the heck is going on inside your guy’s head? Well, I can’t shed light on why he won’t toss out that ratty old jersey or openly admit he likes Glee, but I can give you some insight into what he’s thinking as he prowls the mall looking for your holiday present. Here's what a few of my guy friends had to say about gift giving at different stages of dating...

Hi Single John!
Growing up, I was a shy, awkward teenage girl who wasn't very popular with boys. I started getting attention from guys as I entered my 20s. Then, I made quite a grim discovery: They only want sex! Since the 'boyfriend' label is not something guys my age are comfortable with, a friend of mine told me that I need to review my approach and my goal should be to just have fun with them. So my question is this: What exactly is having fun? And how can I do that without guys expecting me to get physical? - Not Ready For Lust

Happy New Year everyone! At the beginning of 2010 I resolved to curse less and read more. I think I did very well with the former and not so well with the latter, but 2010’s lack of literary prowess notwithstanding, I’ve decided to write down 5 dating resolutions for 2011 (while some of these are specific to me, they are really for everyone).

Dear Single John,
My boyfriend and I almost never get wasted together. However, last night, we went to an open-bar event, and for the first time, I saw him getting drunk with his buddies. I walked to the front of the bar, and saw him making smalltalk with the waitress. He was just leaning forward, looking sleazy and making awkward convo with her. Later, he flirted with the coat checker, asked for her name, left an outrageously big tip and said sleazy pickup lines. I knew he was drunk, probably wouldn't remember much the next day, but it still bothered me. It just makes me uneasy thinking about the times he is with his single buddies, and I'm not even there. Am I just too obsessed here? What should I do?
-Witless Witness

Dear John, I'm a little embarrassed to be writing, but I'm hoping that an honest male opinion will help. I'm a college student dating a boy who goes to my school. I've only dated two other guys and the boy hasn't dated before. I'm a little frustrated. When we're making out, he gets nervous and I lead more than I'd like to. I'm pretty non-confrontational and while I realize that I most likely ought to address it with him in an open and straightforward manner, I'm having trouble doing so. Any insights? -Loss Leader

Dear Single John,
After two years with my guy we called it quits. Mutually. We both agreed that we both needed to do a lot of self discovery and become independent people. His family has stayed in contact the last year or so. They, along with mutual friends, say on a regular basis that he misses me. In October we were in a wedding together. Things were awkwardly comfortable. We shared a room with another groomsman. Neither of us were drunk, so we were in the right mind to know what we were doing. This obviously led into an intensely hot makeout session. What does this mean? Do I pursue it again because the feelings I have are just as strong now as they were when we met. Or was it just a random thing?
-Blushing Bridesmaid

Giving a guy your digits requires finesse. Read on for a few tips that will make your dating life a lot easier!

I have become the de facto therapist amongst my girlfriends. And it’s not just my love of cryptic Southern maxims that keeps my pals hooked on my dating advice. They keep coming back for tips because I follow these simple, yet crucial, Dos and Don’ts!

Dear Single John,
My boyfriend of 2 years likes to watch porn at night when he thinks I'm sleeping. It makes me feel like I'm not enough for him, like the girls in the videos have something that I don't. I've told him that it hurts me when he watches porn, but he blows it off like it's not a big deal. I've brought up us watching porn together because that would make me more comfortable, being able to see his face while he watches...I'm good at reading people. But he absolutely refuses to watch it with me. He asked me to be his wife and tells me he wants me to be the mother of his children, but I'm not sure if I want to do that with someone who takes such disregard for my feelings so that he can find pleasure. Is there anything we could do together that would make him want porn less and want me more?
- No Competition

Dear Single John,
I met my boyfriend online, and a year later, it's gotten really serious. All our friends know how we met, but I told my parents initially that I met him at a bar (technically true, we met in person for the first time at a bar for drinks). I know I should tell them the truth, but it gets harder and harder as time goes on. Any advice on how to finally come clean?
- Offline Dilemma

One of the problems with dating someone regularly is it can be difficult to tell when the date ends. It’s much easier to tell when it starts: “Hello.” Welcome to the date. But “Goodbye” is not so simple. Is it when the check comes? Is it when you get to your door, or hers? And if a sleepover is involved, what then? I ask you, when is a date officially over?

I always want to like my friends’ boyfriends. Really, I do. But meeting a pal's new guy doesn't always go as smoothly as everyone would like. That's why I came up with this handy list of pointers that will help make the meet 'n' greet easier for everyone!