Hookers on Seymour?
| An unidentified tourist from Portland, OR was furious and demanding answers from Tourism BC and the City of Vancouver yesterday after learning that the hookers that used to be located on the South end of Seymour were no longer there. "This is just bullshit, absolute bullshit" the 32 year old Oregon native claimed. "I was here 3 years ago and there were some amazing fucking hookers here. they wore white knee high boots and you could spot them in a second. Now there's nothing but a fucking Blends Coffee and a bus stop"His outrage was shared by construction crews at a nearby condo development who were wondering who they were supposed to whistle and shout at now the hookers had gone. Construction foreman Andrew Whitehall was quoted as saying "...well there used to be plenty to make noise at. now maybe once or twice a day we get a girl in some yoga pants, maybe a visible thong once a week but that's rare now."City officials have not commented. |
Surrey man charged in fatal stabbing...claims "Everyone else was doing it"
| Surrey man involved in stabbing....Surrey, BC - a man has been charged with a fatal stabbing during a party last weekend at a house party in Surrey. A 32 yr old man was arrested soon after and claimed, "Well everyone else around here was stabbing people, i didn't think it was a big deal". |
Car Thief Starter Kit program announced.
| VANCOUVER: The city today announced a new program for up and coming car thieves. The program aims to provide entrants into this busy job market with the skills to work and a tool kit to help them get established.Mayor Gregor Robertson was quoted as saying "it's a tough market. these kids have got to worry about the police, bait car programs and on top of that vehicle that are increasingly difficult to steal with complicated alarms and engine immobilizers."The city says this will help some of the nearly 1500 kids a year who try to get their foot in the door, and that it would help get kids off the street, pay for their drug habits and provide a nice boost to the provincial insurance coffers. "It's a win win" Mayor Gregor continued, "this is something we have a reputation for being the best in North America at, and I don't want to see that change." |
Vancouver Dogs traumatized, forced to watch owners fucking...
| it seems that dog owners in Vancouver don't have any problem fucking in front of their animals, and as a result some of dogs are suffering. dogs traumatized often show symptoms such as nausea, asphyxiation and in severe cases paralysis. dogs exposed to excess stimulation may also be more aggressive. Vancouver Pet Refuge Director of Service, Gordon Farcus said it's baffling how people can be so insensitive. "i mean you wouldn't have sex in front of your children, why on earth would you do it in front of your dog." |
Which way, one way...
| The one way street designations in downtown vancouver can be complex to navigate. whats more difficult is the fact that they seem to change all the time. It would seem that the people in the city planning/engineering department either have no idea what they are doing, and are simply redirecting traffic every year to 18 months in some kind of mass frogger type experiment or they have a plan, but it's just a really fucked up one. Vancouver traffic management is shitty at best. |
Map of all the Public Toilets in Vancouver...
| This is the full list people of pub toilets available in vancouver. 1 in the city, 1 in PoCo and one at the Aldergrove exit in Surrey. Of course i exaggerate, but seriously, it's not too far from reality. They complain about the lack of bridges here, but i think we have a crisis of another sort brewing. notice alot of the restaurants have signs up saying no public washrooms, in many cases restaurants dont even have them. |
The truth behind CFL bulbs...
| like many of the hippies that make up this town i have been replacing my bulbs with CFL. compact fluorescent lights, or energy saver bulbs have been making waves as the easiest way to reduce or lessen your impact on the environment. the bulbs use anywhere from 4 to 6 times less energy than conventional bulbs. it seems to be a no brainer and the government, environmental groups and crusaders are all pushing these bulbs. these things aren't cheap either, despite that they have been flying off the shelves, giving the companies that make them a certified license to print money.if it all seems to good to be true, then it could well be. This article on Green Muze outlines the many hazards, chemicals and processes which go into this product - and it isn't pretty. Much like the Toyota Prius, which when you add the environmental cost of the battery and the production process actually is worse for the environment than 4 conventional small vehicles, the CFL could be a bigger threat than the 100 yr old incandescent technology it's replacing. The British government has even issued health warnings about their use: "British governmental health organization, the Health Protection Agency (HPA), that some CFLs emit ultraviolet radiation at levels that, under certain conditions of use, can result in exposures higher than guideline levels."Come 2012 the canadian government is banning the sale of incandescent bulbs and the manufacturers of CFL bulbs will have a monopoly on the market. With chemicals like mercury a primary ingredient, it's hard to believe this is a good thing. |
Police in Vancouver appealing to the public to do their paperwork...
| Police in Vancouver are appealing to the public to complete their paperwork for them. In the latest request for assistance the police are asking for the public to complete and fill out various forms including 1020-7's, 60ls and even their timesheets. "We've got the public doing just about everything else, so why not our paperwork as well." constable James Chu, Division head of the Vancouver detachment claimed in a press conference yesterday. "Today the public are handling community watch programs, video taping alot of our confrontations, looking for criminals on the loose, capturing fugitives why not fill out a few forms before they go home"With alot of police tied up in inquiries and scandals, taking paid time off, seeking treatment for alcohol abuse and anger management the force is around 60% capacity right now. Anyone willing to help is asked to contact the Vancouver Police on 911. |
Wannabe Gangbanger angry at mom for not buying him a car
| An unidentified 23 year old Surrey man has opened up about the frustration he's facing with his mother. A wannabe gangbanger, the 23yr old male is struggling to establish "street cred" driving his mothers 1997 Hyundai Accent. He has made several unsuccessful demands that she at least trade in for an Impala or a Chevy Camaro. "I tried to put some rims on it and a larger exhaust to salvage the least amount of respect" he claimed "however with 12" wheels and the off white paint, it's just impossible".The youth who lives with his 61 year old mother, claims he's been the victim of taunting and can't gain a footing in the lucrative Surrey drug trade due to the lack of "bling" in his "ride". "Even the high school kids won't buy from me. they think with a ride like this, my shit is no good" claims the youth. "Mom just needs to give me a hand, like any mom would" The youths mother was unavailable for comment, however relatives claim "she's fed up with his shit". |
Darth Vader: Empire state of Mind
| See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.[DARTH VADER/JAY-Z]YeahNo longer AnakinFormerly a SkywalkerSon's next rebel heroBut I'll be Sith foreverI'm the newest Dark lord And since my training yearsI can choke from anywhereYeah my force is everywhere Used to run with Obi Wan We were both best buds forevaBut after three movies Now I've got a blood vendetta Grew up on TatooineNo vegetation Catch me rolling through the cosmos in a moon-like station to Leia's home nation Death Star wrecks it Now princess knows, Vader ain't one to mess withFlying through the trenchesBlasting rebel noobiesWhat happened to the fat oneThink he died of heart disease All that's left is this guyChasing him in my TIE I won't deny That his force is pretty damn highDamn i just got wiped outFalcon shot the back of meSpinning into outerspaceBut I'll be back definitely[PRINCESS LEIA/ALICIA KEYS]In Star Wars Empire is out to find Leia Death star plans in R2 Shoot the exhaust port Kenobi may now be see-through But the force is within LukeLet's hear it for new hope, new hope, new hope[Vader: You're welcome Obi Wan... I made you a ghost!][DARTH VADER/JAY-Z]Catch me rockin boots and a cape like supermanHell, I made wearing black more famous than that Jay-Z canYou should know I'd find you, hiding out at EchoNow I got a Blizzard Force eliminate you quick yoWelcome to the planet Hoth AT-ATs hit the spot Walking tanks are too legitBut they fall down a lot Check the front, check the back, cant find the Falcon yetWe need them all alive, so no disintegrations Boba Fett 8 million asteroids, where'd your little ship go?Get me to Cloud City, I got Lando on my payrollMe I gotta double check if carbonite's ok If freezin's safe for HanDoing Luke the same wayNew deal LandoAin't no pardonKid blew up my boysRest in peace Moff TarkinTurns out we are familyEmbrace your dark fateDad and son together, yo No way the emperor's safe, cause...[PRINCESS LEIA/ALICIA KEYS] In Star WarsNow Han Solo's a coffee tableThere's nothing Luke can do [Vader: Should've joined me, bro!]He's on DagobahWith some dyslexic Jedi dudeRight hand still got sliced through Looks like they struck back, struck back, struck back[DARTH VADER/JAY-Z]Lightsabers grindingPalpatine's smilingCause he knew it would come to this The light side is blind with casualtiesWho do evil casually, then gradually become worseDon't fight your destinyWasn't a great dad, trueAbsent all the whileNo happy times behind us, and plus, now I'm killin' youKeep fencing mister, 'cause now I sense a sisterYou don't go bad, maybe I'll enlist herNow Emperor wants you, only wants me rubbed out You controlled your anger, stayed light side devout Watch out kid, he's got lightning bolts to immolate Uh-uh, hell no, daddy powers activateEnd this prune with a badass murder suicideBald headed, mask off, heart melted kid you were right Burn all my gear so those Ewoks can't wear it againDo it, I'll be watching you, a ghost, name of Anakin[PRINCESS LEIA/ALICIA KEYS] In Star WarsDestroy new Death Star's generatorEwoks to the rescueBlast through to the coreThis Regime's gonna be brand newGalactic Empire's throughThe Jedi have returned, returned, returned |
Oxford English scholar and novelist Richard Dawkins launches bid to get arrest warrant for The Pope
| This is really great stuff, and it's come from Richard Dawkins who is currently assembling a team of lawyers in England to charge the Pope with "crimes against humanity" for his role in covering up the abuse of thousands of children world wide, and providing pedophile priests with amnesty and shelter.Read the article here...Lets start with Dawkins. Dawkins is a professor at Oxford University, (one of the best in the world) so he's no crackpot. He's an incredibly intelligent, and is an evolutionary biologist. He authored "The God Delusion", and I can't recommend this book enough. It's a fantastic read for anyone who believes that as atheists we should remain silent and let the atrocities of religion continue around us.Anyway his charge is that the pope has enabled systematic widespread abuse of children throughout the catholic church, by silencing victims, covering up scandals, and protecting these fucking animal priests. and by many standards, Dawkins is absolutely spot on. Look at the way war criminals are prosecuted, all the way to the top. we need to take the same stance with the church, their ongoing assault against our most vulnerable citizens (our kids) has taken place on an international scale, in just about every single jurisdictions these fuckers exist in.what baffles me are the sheep out there, who continue to put their children in harms way, and continue to attend church, putting money in the coffers of this abuse factory. it's time to bring down these velvet draped pedophiles, and expose the church for what it is... |
The Capilano Suspension Bridge Scam
| scam is not a word i use lightly. but this is pure scam. the current price for an adult to visit this "attraction" is $26.95. Now lets put this in perspective, this is in essence a fucking bridge. Yes it goes over a river in a canyon. but bear in mind there isn't a whole lot more. There are some trails on the other side, and some paths that go into the trees - but $26.95??? WTF! In california you can get a discounted ticket to universal or disneyland for a little more than that. on hasting street you can get a blow job with change for that...probably. most of us locals know that for free you can take visitors to lyn valley park and cross a bridge, and be in the middle of real forest, vs the capilano experience which is pretty much a canyon surrounded by suburbs. |
safer to smoke crack than have a wine on the beach...
| what kind of city do we live in where junkies and crackheads deal and use openly on the street without being hassled by the cops, and if you or I, sat on the beach with our family and had a glass of wine or a beer we'd be in trouble? seriously - doesn't this piss anyone off? the police have basically stopped hassling the real criminals and only hassle the people they can get money from. fucking pathetic. |
Canadian criminal justice system lauded by criminals worldwide
| Criminals worldwide are coming together to hail the Canadian criminal justice system as the best in the world. In a worldwide poll conducted by research firm Gartner Inc, 78% percent of criminals felt the Canadian system was superior to other G20 countries."In respect to the focus and respect for the perpetrator, and the amount of leniency and the short sentences, there isn't a better system in the world" claimed John Lee Gyzertistan, a felon serving a 25 year sentence in Folsom Prison, CA. "I'd love to be a criminal in Canada"Canada ranked number 1 for the past 10 years in 3 of the top categories including shortest maximum sentences for class 1 felonies, highest number of days granted in lieu of time served and highest number of suspended sentences."Hell even the sex predators up there have it easy, it's amazing the compassion, forgiving nature of the canadian people" continued Gyzertistan. |
Trade Minister on tour to promote BC's fastest growing industry
| The provincial trade minister was on the road this week to promote the provinces bustling pot industry. Speaking in the interior to a group of shabbily dressed trailer park residents the minister talked about the opportunities for young people: "This business is recession proof. It's a fast track to riches and it takes a basements and a set of lights to get started."The minister went onto to provide the residents with guidelines and tips on everything from stealing your neighbors power to the power of hydrophonics.The minister will spend the next 4 weeks touring the interior, and other well out of the way locations. The minister also instructed attendees not to worry about law enforcement, "are you kidding, the RCMP are so stretched right now. Between their fuck ups at the airports, their DUI's and civilian beatings they couldn't find their way out of wet paper bag right now" he quipped. "plus we cut their operating budget in half. no you don't have to worry about them." |
BC RCMP Officer nabbed: Notorious Change Thief Case Closed.
| Vancouver: The BC RCMP division has closed another high profile case today, without leaving the office. The well publicized case involved the theft of nearly $6.48 from office desks and drawers in the provincial RCMP Head quarters over a period of 9 months. The case involved dozens of man hours and an elaborate sting operation, where the suspect was finally caught in the act removing lose change from a colleagues desk in order to purchase snacks from a vending machine. A raid on the suspects home revealed several marked Canadian Quarters, and a single US Quarter along with Mars, Snickers, M&Ms and other confectionery - which the suspect has been unable to explain. The operation involved the Vancouver Police Department and several special forensic agents. VDP Police Chief Spokesman Jim Chu commented earlier "It's a great day for the people of BC who have been looking for closure on this heinous crime" |
Family man demands affordable housing in West Vancouver
| West Vancouver BC, Long heralded as some of the most expensive property in North America, West Vancouver's average home price sits in the $2.5 million range, and that's far too much for a Vancouver local area man's liking. "People are demanding affordable housing in waterfront condo's along False Creek, and in inner city areas today, and I thought why not pick a location where I can't afford to live, but would like to and give it a try as well"He went on "...I want a view of the city and harbor, access to the beach, and something quiet." On his $120,000 income, the properties meeting his requirements are priced between $3.2 million and $6 million are well outside his affordability. "As a resident of Vancouver, I have the right to live wherever I want, and if I can't afford it, it's up to the government to make housing available for me." The 33 year old software developer currently lives in a 2 bedroom condo in Yaletown, valued at around $650,000.Although seemingly strange to many North Americans, the idea that an individual should be able to live in a neighborhood which is otherwise unaffordable for them is not uncommon in Vancouver. The Carnegie Community Action Project's Jean Swanson, an outspoken advocate of affordable housing is taking on his case and vows to get him placed in a mansion "...somewhere west of the Lionsgate." |
Kids whose parents have Blackberrys heckled and abused by kids whose parents have iphones
| In a groundbreaking study, researchers have discovered that the children of parents who own Blackberry's are suffering abuse, verbal heckling and sometimes even violence at the hands of the kids whose parents have iphones."I think those parents who own Blackberry devices need to take a hard look at themselves and ask themselves what kind of impact are their selfish decisions having on their children." Dianne McDaniels, Director of Child Welfare Services for British Columbia. "I think it's a combination of poor judgement and selfishness really"She went on to describe the many benefits of the iphone over the blackberry and urged parents to act responsibly when making smart phone choices. Children of parents with blackberrys where displaying above average levels of anxiety, frustration, lower concentration levels and were displaying higher general levels of animosity towards their classmates. |
Downtown Eastside costs $1 million a day
| Great report from last year on the effectiveness of funding in the DTE:http://www2.canada.com/audit+urged+host+agencies+downtown+eastside/1295988/story.html?id=1295988Can you believe $360M goes into that neighborhood from 3 levels of government every year...and it still looks like a warzone. thats nearly $1M a day, to support 5000 junkies, homeless and mental health patients!!! Imagine what could be done if you rounded up all of these various programs, charities, shelters and consolidated that spending into 1 special organization to tackle the problems.I have been wondering about this myself for a long time. where the fuck is all that money going? to support the industry of the DTE, and all the support groups that want a piece of that pie...can you imagine how much of that money gets to the people that need it! |
BC Tourism Begins making plans to capitalize on a warmer Vancouver...
| Vancouver BC: Seems like everyone is talking about climate change these days and for most its a negative topic. Not however for the marketing team at BC Tourism who have decided to take the brightside approach. "Canada, is one of the few countries that's going to benefit from the global warming phenomena" a spokesman for BC Tourism remarked, who wished to remain anonymous.According to a recent study and a CBC article, they are correct. Everywhere else a rise in global temperatures could be a disaster. But for sun starved British Columbians, the news is good. "An extra 5 degrees centigrade is going to go down very nicely here. And warmer climates are going to mean we are going to be able to market BC as a summer holiday destination" BC Tourism is planning on making BC the new California and is putting together a 25 year plan to develop and exploit the forthcoming heatwave. "This is extremely exciting and represents a whole new opportunity for us" the BC Tourism spokesman went on, "Imagine eating a icecream and having it melt in your hands! Imagine it being hot enough to actually warrant taking of your shirt and walking around! Imagine having to see a skin cancer specialist about a mole that changed shape at the end of summer!"While not everyone in the ministry is convinced this is a good position to take, they agree it's got merit and potential. "2035, is going to be a great summer in Vancouver, and we're counting on those emissions to keep the thermometers heading north" |
RCMP Plan new training program "How to safely kick suspects in the head"
| Vancouver BC: The RCMP is reviewing its cadet training and induction programs, specifically the module which focuses on kicking civilians in the face while they are on the ground. Kelowna RCMP superintendent Bill McKinnon has said "we've all seen the footage, and I think the question is, was the officer involved properly trained in the skill of apply pressure to the face, and frontal lobe area safely?" He went on to say "we are going to review and thoroughly audit chapter 3 of the RCMP Guide to Better Policing which specifically outlines safe manners in which a mountie can kick a person in the head while they are on the ground."As an added precaution, mounties across the province will also each be issued with A Dummies Guide to Subtle Police Brutality. The text will help mounties understand basics, like looking around for a camera before committing serious assault on citizens, destroying evidence after the fact and ways to inflict abuse without any letting any signs of physical harm become visible. "Clearly, this mountie ignored all the basics in this engagement" McKinnon concluded. |
